Inside the walls of guilt there is the desire to be forgiven, and a freedom in the release.
As a Christian public speaker, I hear this story over and over. Many women have a difficult time accepting God’s complete forgiveness. Either because of a tarnished past or unwise choices–they live life in defeat. As a result, believing these lies shuts them in the dark walls of their minds. Does this resemble you? Maybe you know someone struggling with forgiving themselves of a past or present sin… addiction, verbal abuse, abortion, sexual abuse, an affair, gossip, rebellion, eating disorder, self-absorption, materialism, judgment of others, legalism and more. We as humans categorize our sins. We think God views some greater than others. The fact is sin-is-sin to God. He is waiting for us to repent, surrender, and accept His gift of forgiveness. Below is a short story God poured into my heart and mind while praying for a friend captured…
INSIDE THE WALLS OF GUILT
Written by Carla McDougal
Dedicated to those living inside the walls of guilt and shame
Disgrace continually plagues my mind. Humiliation runs through my veins. My shame is too great for God to forgive. Once again I cry out in distress, “God help me let go and fully trust you!” In reluctance I grasp my Bible and turn to Psalm 51…
Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Your loving kindness; according to the multitude of Your tender mercies, blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. For I acknowledge my transgressions, and my sin is always before me. Against You, You only, have I sinned, and done this evil in Your sight. (1-4)
These dingy, grey walls of guilt hold me captive to my past. Gazing outside the window, I long for the freshness of spring, the warmth of the sun, and the freedom to run through the meadow. How do I break free from my soiled past? My eyes fix on the next few verses…
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place. Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow. Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice. Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. (6-11)
Weeping. Sobbing. Kneeling before the Lord I ask, “Are you sure you can create a pure heart in me? I desire this so much. These grimy and stained walls have decorated my mind for years. This dark room closes in more and more each day. I want out, but can’t find the exit. I don’t deserve to be released from this hopeless dungeon of guilt. My sin is too great to merit Your forgiveness.” All of a sudden, as I read the next few verses a renovation of the soul ignites. Literally the chains holding me captive unlock and immediate freedom avails.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will turn back to you. Save me from bloodguilt, O God, the God who saves me, and my tongue will sing of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, Oh God you will not despise. In your good pleasure make Zion prosper; build up the walls of Jerusalem. Then there will be righteous sacrifices, whole burnt offerings to delight you; the bulls will be offered on your alter. (Ps. 51:12-19)
The once bleak and dreary walls now appear white as snow! Falling to my knees I praise Jesus for His grace and mercy. Examining this restoration process leaves me humbled and amazed. As I scan the room I notice a wide open door––a door I never noticed before. I hear The Lord say, “My child, this door of forgiveness is always present. But, your years of guilt built layers and layers covering this passageway to freedom. I’ve been waiting to free you, but you had to see yourself as I see you––Forgiven past, present, and future because of my son Jesus. I love you and long to experience an intimate relationship with you.” Immediately the sweet aroma of springtime travels through the doorway. Falling to my knees I breath in this fragrance of forgiveness––God’s forgiveness! I'm now outside the walls of guilt experiencing the freedom of release. Tears pour. Heart warms. Humbleness flows.
Experience His forgiveness today. Confess your sin before the Lord, walk forward knowing you are freed from the past, and like Ps. 51:16 says… The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart.
From My Heart to Yours,
Founder of Reflective Life Ministries
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